Saturday, 16 June 2012

My Favourite Things: when he sings...

I thought I'd use my Saturday post to share some of my favourite things about my lovely Mr Muddle and married life.

Image by Christian Ferrari
My first one is the way Mr Muddle sings to himself when he's happy. Sometimes it's something he's heard on the radio or TV, sometimes it's just something that he makes up as he goes along. It is incredibly cute. Sometimes he sings to me, or about me, sometimes he sings to our fish (which is always amusing), sometimes he's just singing about what he's doing

I love hearing him sing, because I've never heard him do it when anyone else is already. It's always been a mark of how comfortable he is with me, and how much he trusts me. It's always a sign to me that he's happy, because he doesn't do it when he's not.

So, Mr Muddle, please don't stop singing!

Friday, 15 June 2012

Weddings or Marriages?

Photo by Clare Long
When we were engaged, I spent quite a lot of time online, talking with other brides-to-be on a wedding forum. We spent hours planning all the details together, discussing budgets and dresses, seating plans and invites, dreams, hopes and fears. We celebrated with each bride as her big day came round, and wished her all the best for her married life.

I was frequently questioned as to the wisdom of our marriage. The forum wasn't Christian, and so the overwhelming majority of brides were living with intended husbands, sleeping with them, lots had children already, and they couldn't fathom why I would marry someone I hadn't practiced living with, who I hadn't slept with yet. Again and again, I explained this was the norm within my faith, that this was the way all my peers were doing it, and this was what I felt was right. I'm sure many of them didn't understand my way of thinking.

Then there those who were marrying in Church and required by their priest/vicar/pastor to attend some sort of marriage prep course. The vast majority who were asked to do this thought it was some big joke, and a waste of time, and having lived together for so long, what was there possibly left to talk about? They went because they had to. We too were expected to attend marriage prep with my parish priest. We also booked ourselves onto an Engaged Encounter weekend, voluntarily. We talked, and planned, and questioned each other, and came out the other side more prepared for married life.

I don't want to sound smug, because that's not how I feel. I'm not writing this as a "well, we're still together two years later- how hard can it be?" I know every situation is different. But I'm overwhelmed by sadness.I don't know the situations these couples have found themselves in, but I heard yesterday another bride I'd planned with was now separated from her husband... less than 2 years on. She's far from the first- I've lost count, in fact.

Even within my Christian peers, I have attended seven weddings in the past 8 years. Two of those couples are now separated, with at least one of the spouses now with another partner. I'm overwhelmed by sadness.

In a world that focuses on the wedding, not the marriage, what can we do to help those preparing for marriage to really prepare for marriage, not just a wedding?

For now, all I can do is pray. Seriously, and wholeheartedly, pray for every engaged couple I know, for every married couple I know, for every courting couple discerning marriage, and ask that God will be the rock on which they lean in times of trial. I'd love it if some of you would do the same...

Thursday, 14 June 2012

In sickness, and in health...

Photo by Andrzej Gdula
Since making that promise, Mr Muddle has really had a lot to live up to. It seems like the time since we got married has been filled with one sickness after another. The first year wasn't so bad, but I've been hit time and again this year with bugs and viruses and all sorts of nasty things.

I'm asthmatic, so my immune system isn't as tip-top as it could be, and as I type this, I'm laid up in bed with a chest infection, the antibiotics the doctor gave me next to me, along with cough medicine and paracetamol, inhalers and inhalant oil, tissues and my thermometer. Mr Muddle has brought me soup, and lucozade, and cake, and peppermint tea, and cooked every meal for me. He's watched me cough my guts out, throw up, cry, wheeze and generally feel downright awful.

And through it all, he has been my point of calm and care... and I can't thank him enough. I am bowled over by how well he lives up to the vow he made me on our wedding day.

We have had difficult moments over the 22 months we've been married (22 months today, in fact!). But through it all, our love is growing stronger.

The first time I was ill during our marriage, all I wanted was for my mum to be there. Now, all I want is my husband's kind actions, silly jokes and constant love.

In the 22 months we have been married, he has not needed to take one single sick day. But I hope when the time comes, I can show him - in the same way he has shown me - just how seriously I took (and take) those vows we made.

Sunday, 10 June 2012


I've been reading so many wonderful blogs about married life recently that have blessed me so much that I've felt inspired to create my own.

Yes, I'm just another wife, muddling through the joy and the confusion that is married life. I've been doing this for nearly 2 years now- Mr Muddle and I will be celebrating our Second Anniversary this August.

A little about us...
I'm 26, and Mr Muddle is 34. We come from different parts of the country, and live 200 miles from our nearest family members now, very sadly. Neither of us were married before.
Photo by Eastbourne Bed and Breakfast

Both sets of our parents are divorced. For me, that was a messy event when I was just 7. Mr Muddle was much older (in his twenties). My experience of watching my parents meant I had decided I would never get married (I was merrily looking at Convents), but God had other plans, and convinced me that marriage was what he was calling me to. About 18 months after discerning that call, I met my lovely husband, and the rest is amusing and somewhat implausible history!

I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts, and that I can provide some sort of blessing to you as others have done for me.

Mrs Muddle xx